What is Good Christian Counseling?
by Dale M Hayden
You are receiving good Christian counseling when the counselor is active and involved in working towards your sanctification and redemption. As Martin Luther said, “All life is redemption.” Once redeemed, we are integrated and coherent, which means we are aware of both the good parts and bad parts of ourselves. Having this insight and self knowledge allows us to get “unstuck” and enter those places we fear most, Eccl 7:4.
The Goal of Christian Counseling
Simply stated the goal of a Christian is to become more Christ like and enjoy the pleasures of His fellowship. The Westminster Shorter Catechism asks the question, “What is the chief end of man?” The answer is, "to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." Our overriding goal as Christians is to respond to every circumstance by putting God first and seek to behave as He would want us to. Ultimately we must reject the self-centered goal of becoming happy and adopt the goal of becoming more like the Lord.
Now here comes the hard part. The Bible tells us the reason we should want to solve our personal problem, is not for our personal happiness, but so we can enter into a deeper relationship with God, to more effectively please Him through our worship and service. Therefore, our personal happiness must be seen as a by-product, not a goal. We need to be careful that we do not rewrite the Westminster Shorter Catechism to read that I am to glorify God in order to enjoy Him. It says I am to glorify God and as I do, I will enjoy Him forever.
The noted Christian author Larry Crabb in his book, Effective Biblical Counseling, suggests the following to help us become more Christ like in our attitudes: “I want to solve this problem in a way that will make me more like the Lord. Then I will be able to worship God more fully and serve Him more effectively.” Crabb suggests that you write that phrase on a three-by-five card. Read it every hour. Reaffirm it regularly even though it feels rather artificial and mechanical. Pray that God will confirm it in you as you continue by an act of the will to assert it.
Two Essentials of a Good Therapist
A good therapist has the ability to apply both grace and truth towards their client. Grace is the unconditional love and positive regard the famous therapist Carl Rogers spoke about. Its holding the client with love and offering comfort when they are hurting. Truth on the other hand, is the painful part of therapy. It’s the growth process Jesus talks about in Matthew 7:13-14: “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Good therapy is hard work because you look at what you don’t want to see, admit to what is painful, confront what you don’t want to face and take responsibility for much more than you ever dreamed you’d have to, but that is what the “narrow gate” is all about.
Secondly, a good therapist has the ability to be emotionally present for the client. To help the client feel safe as they make their way on the journey of self discovery. You are not alone and your therapist is always there to offer comfort as you explore your deeper feelings and experiences.
The Christian Worldview
Another tenet of good Christian counseling is applying what the Bible calls “the whole counsel of God” (Acts 20:27). The Bible has a number of overarching themes and principles that need to be applied within the context of therapy. This is what is known as a Christian worldview?
A worldview is simply the sum total of beliefs one has about the world, the “big picture” that directs their daily decisions and actions. Our major task in life is to discover what is true and to live in step with that truth. Every worldview can be understood by how it answers three basic questions: "Where did I come from and who are we (creation)? What has gone wrong with the world (the fall and sin)? And what can we do to fix it (redemption)?" (Colson, 2001).
In every action we take, we are doing one of two things: We are either helping to create a hell on earth or helping to bring down a foretaste of heaven. Our major task in life is to discover what is true and to live in accordance with that truth. The Christian world view is a way of seeing and comprehending all reality.
Therefore, that means for Christians nothing has meaning apart from Jesus Christ. He is the agent of creation, author of all that is and ever will be. We are compelled to see Christianity as the all encompassing truth, the root of everything else. Understanding our Christianity helps us to make sense of the world we live in.
When we violate God's moral law there is painful consequences. A wise Christian knows the boundaries and limits of this world, the laws and rhythms of the seasons. To be wise in the Christian sense is to know reality and then accommodate yourself to it. To deny God is to blind ourselves to this reality and the inevitable consequences of bumping up against it in painful ways.
Our Attachment Needs
Scripture strongly suggests that attachment or bondedness is our deepest human need. As stated in 1 John 4:8, God is love and love is “the deepest part of the character of God.” Therefore, there is reason to believe that human beings who are created in His image, will never be at peace unless they are bonded in loving relationships. We need to be bonded to God and we need to be connected and attached with one another as well. As C. S. Lewis said in The Problem of Pain, “Our father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”